Why do we insult him so?

My heart is bleeding.
Jesus is on the cross.
My soul is hungary for feeding.
The clay is dry and parched.
No water or rain is in sight.

I look to the heavens for rain, but nothing can be seen except a single white dove, that is soaring. There is a rumble in the ground. The downpour is not coming from the heavens. It comes from beneath the earth.

Soon there is water everywhere. Am I about to drown? My head is engulfed, I am overtaken. I take a deep breath because soon I shall die.

But what is this? I can breath. How is this so? When I open my eyes I see his face, staring back at me. He is saying "Child this is the river of the holy spirit."

I understand now. We have to die. We have to be flooded. There is no other way. Everything else is not enough.

We ask for Jesus so often. But do we truly know what we're asking for? If we did then we would run. Tuck our tails and run. The only way this can happen is by being engulfed by his holy spirit. He is merciful and gracious.

If we ask for bread does he give us a snake? Oh no, he gives us more. But we are shut, we do not take. He offers us the whole meal, but we only take the scraps. He brings out the best wine, but we say no I'll have that dirty water.

Are we afraid of what might happen if we actually take what he offers? Why do we insult him so? If God says you will affect millions, why do we settle for a few? Does he not know? Why do we put God in a box? Why do we say "Well that can't be God!", "He wouldn't do something like that."

Oh God forgive me, forgive us. Bring everything you have for me.

I am ready.